By Mark E. Smith
Have you ever wanted to stop merely surviving and live what you feel is a more deliberate life – that is, one where you feel truly in control and thriving?
I have, and I know many around me who have. However, making that shift from surviving to thriving is difficult, sometimes taking years or decades. Yet, it’s totally possible and vital in order to live to our potential and purpose.
For a lot of us, life placed us in survival mode from an early age. Any number of family dysfunctions or circumstances place children in survival mode. This creates a sort of predisposition toward survival mode living that often follows us into adulthood. I have an acquaintance who I’ve known for two decades and although hugely successful, I’ve seen the individual end up in predicaments, where I’ve thought, Why are you placing yourself in survival mode situations when you don’t need to? I recently found out that this individual had a horrific childhood, where survival mode was all that was known. In this way, when survival mode is ingrained in us from an early age, it can be an extremely difficult mindset to break. It goes back to the adage of our comfort zone isn’t necessarily comfortable; rather, it’s simply what we know – and, too often, survival mode is a comfort zone that we either remain in or return to.
But, here’s where the issue really comes in. When we live in survival mode as a child, it’s a rational coping mechanism – it helps us survive. However, as adults, where we have far more free will, living in survival mode can be disheartening at best, self-defeating at worst. After all, if we’re in survival mode with a relationship, with our health, in our finances or career – or all combined! – there’s an agonizing disconnect between where we are and where we want to be. We’re not moving forward when we’re in survival mode. We’re just …well …surviving.
Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t valid reason to be in survival mode from time to time. Crises arise in all of our lives from time to time. Yet, there’s an exponential difference between going into temporary survival mode when appropriate crises dictate, versus living in a permanent or regressive state of survival mode where it inhibits our lives, growth, and success.
All of this leads to the question of, if we find ourselves feeling as though we’re merely surviving instead of thriving, how do we shift our lives to the latter?
It’s vital that we frame where we’re at, truly acknowledging to ourselves that our past or present doesn’t intrinsically define our future. With that foundation, we can then begin writing a road map that defines where we want to move our lives. This isn’t an overnight process, but a starting point. If we’re stuck in emotional survival, we have to take steps toward healing. If we’re stuck in financial survival, we have to take steps toward improving finances. This list of survival modes goes on and on, but the key is to truly realize that where we are isn’t where we must stay, and define where we want to be, beginning with small steps in that direction. We simply start somewhere, and even if we don’t know exactly where to start, pick something small to get your mindset to begin changing. Eight years ago I really wanted to get in shape. As one with cerebral palsy, my survival mode had been following what my body dictated. I was skinny, lacking strength and muscle. I didn’t suddenly get “ripped,” as that’s impossible. Rather, I picked up a five-pound weight – and just started somewhere. As a result, over the past eight years, I’ve gone from a 36” chest to a 44” chest, from lifting five pounds to 50 pounds, from surviving to thriving. We begin with baby steps, and months or years or decades later, we’re running proverbial marathons.
Change is tough and scary, especially when we’re living in a survival mode that’s all we ever known. And, yes, the unknown is often scarier than what we know – even when the life we know is harming us. However, we each deserve comfort, security, and happiness. You and I deserve these in all facets of our lives. If we’re in a cyclical survival mode, let us take a step – begin with a baby step! – toward a new direction, one where we don’t have to continue living with pain, anxiety, or fear. After all, the ultimate key to exiting survival mode is in realizing that we are capable and worthy of thriving.