wheelchairjunkie – Page 13 – PowerchairDiaries

The Stories We Share

By Mark E. Smith

When I entered San Francisco State University’s creative writing program some two decades ago, I did so with one goal in mind – to be a better writer. After all, writing is a technical craft – not unlike painting or music – and if you want to get better at the craft, you expand your skill set. And, I wanted to possess the largest skill set possible so that, as a writer, I could write about virtually any topic, in any form. If writing was carpentry, I wanted the skills to build anything.

Upon my first week in the program, I realized it wasn’t what I expected. The fact was, I quickly learned that the true craft of writing wasn’t about technical skills at all. Yes, as students, we’d long learned the formalities of writing, with more to come. However, what we were there to really learn was the power and universal impact of stories. We learned what it was like to be impoverished and black in the south under Jim Crow laws through Alice Walker. We learned what it was like being a disenfranchised white, middle-aged male through Charles Bukowski. And, we learned what it was like to be a teenage heroin addict through Jim Carol. The stories went on and on, and we learned that every one has a story – ones of universal impact. We learned that writing wasn’t just about a skill set, but more so a deep acknowledgment of the human condition we all share.

As students, we were required to write with courage and vulnerability, to share our stories. Writing workshops, where you critique each others’ pieces, were cathartic, safe places where we could write and share the stories in our lives. The beautiful twenty-something who seemed to have it all wrote about her struggles with self harm, cutting her thighs with razor blades. The silent guy in the army surplus jacket wrote about being raped in his high school locker room by three jocks. And the happy-go-lucky, surfer dude wrote about living on friends’ couches because he was disowned by his parents when he came out as gay. What it taught us was that everyone had a story – including ourselves – and the true craft of writing isn’t just about telling stories, but honoring them.

During that time, my twenties, I was struggling with a lot. I was trying to understand my identity as one with severe cerebral palsy, and struggling with the guilt of separating myself farther and farther from my dysfunctional family. When we go through these periods of our lives – deep emotional struggles – it’s impossible to not feel alone. It’s unfortunately intrinsic to the process. Yet, our individual struggles – read that, stories – are universal to the human condition, and whatever we’re feeling or have experienced, we’re not alone.

What I gained from attending the two-year creative writing program – and writing of my struggles in the process – was recognizing the importance and vulnerability in sharing our stories, as well as embracing those of others. While there’s a time and a place for light conversation, it’s in sharing our stories that truly connects us.

Since that time, not the writer in me, but the person in me, has lived a life of connecting with others – through stories. Of course, I’ve shared mine countless times, as cerebral palsy can’t be hidden and understandably can become a topic. However, what’s shaped my life are the stories that others – with trust, courage and vulnerability – have shared with me. See, I’ve learned that no one’s story is more or less significant than another, just different. And, we intrinsically relate to them all. Pain, joy, sadness, fear, courage, failure, success, heartache, love, guilt, pride, resentment, elation, self-doubt, confidence and on and are all emotions that we universally share. They unite us.

However, sharing our stories does more than unites us. The process has far more power. Sharing our stories can heal, uplift, inspire, empower, and most of all the process shows us we’re not alone.

I don’t know what your story is. Maybe it’s one you’re struggling with alone. Or, maybe it’s a story that can help another person in your situation. Share your story. Let it out to someone, somewhere, in a safe place, where I promise it will change both your lives. None of us need to be writers to be courageous and vulnerable in sharing our stories. We just need to be ourselves.

Full-Court Throw

By Mark E. Smith

Imagine your basketball team is tied at the ending of a game, seconds from the final buzzer. You’re standing at the opposite end of the court, and the ball comes to you. What do you do with it?

Most players dribble, hold or pass the ball as the buzzer times out. After all, what can be accomplished at the buzzer, an entire court away from the basket?

My answer every time in life is to take a leap of faith in our talent, luck and what’s meant to be, and throw the ball as high and hard as we can across the entire court, toward the basket – because there’s a chance it will go in. When we have nothing to lose and everything to gain, go for the longshot every time.

I was writing an article a few years ago on pediatric wheelchair use, and I called the mother of a little girl in Southern California for an interview. We’d met a year or so earlier at an event I attended in L.A. on business, and we were linked through Facebook.

When I called her for the interview, I only had one thing on my mind – the interview. However, she was so engaging and wonderful to talk with. We ended up speaking the next eve, then the next, then the next. I quickly realized this woman was amazing, having it all: outer beauty, humor, intellect, compassion, you name it.

But, by all accounts, she was out of my league, though. If anyone objectively looked at the reality of the situation, I was at the wrong end of the basketball court to have any chance of making a basket. I was a single dad with cerebral palsy living in rural Pennsylvania. Why would a gorgeous high-end optician and artist living in San Diego even entertain me as a potential love interest?

However, as I fell for her, I turned to the one trait that’s always got me to new heights in my life: I went for the seemingly impossible longshot. I put my heart out there with nothing to lose and everything to gain. You might say I threw the longest basket in history – from Pennsylvania to California – and it miraculously swooshed the net. Yet, while making a full-court basket only lasts for one game, my now wife and our marriage is for a lifetime.

Life is going to put us at the end of the court from time to time. When we’re blessed, a ball comes our way. And, when the ball comes to us, we can pass or we can trust in ourselves and fate, throwing the ball as high and hard as we can toward the basket. No, it won’t go in every time – it hasn’t for me. But, when it does, it changes our lives forever.

From Dirt to Gold

By Mark E. Smith

A gracious colleague noted that I’m very skilled in business at seeing the positives and negatives in situations, and then pragmatically steering both toward the positive.

I replied, “That’s not a business skill, that’s a life skill that I’ve learned from disability experience, where if I didn’t know how to work with adversity, I wouldn’t be sitting here.”

In 1993, when Britain’s James Dyson introduced his first vacuum, it had a clear dust-collection canister of great controversy. Vacuums had always had bags, and the vacuum industry all said no one would want to see the dirt they vacuumed up in a clear canister. It was a totally valid point, proven by market research. Dyson had two choices: he could avoid the potential market controversy by enclosing the canister or he could see it as a counter-intuitive selling feature.

In among the most brilliant moves in business history, Dyson saw the controversial clear canister not as a detriment, but as an advantage. He wasn’t deterred by the market research, but embraced it proving his vacuum was unique. He used the clear canister to show consumers how his vacuum’s cyclonic action picked up more dirt than other vacuums – and consumers were mesmerized by it. People loved seeing how much gunk they vacuumed up! Within 18 months, it was the best-selling vacuum in the U.K., and today, virtually all vacuums have a clear canister.

So often when we face obstacles, we’re taught to work around them. However, working around obstacles rarely results in our greatest successes. Rather, working with obstacles is where success comes in. If you can succeed by addressing obstacles head on – like showing dirt in a vacuum canister instead of hiding it – that’s where ultimate success is found.

Many years ago, based on my disability, I couldn’t button buttons, so it was suggested that I have all of my clothing buttons replaced with Velcro. Velcro would work, except for one aspect – it wasn’t truly overcoming the obstacle, as I still couldn’t button buttons. I used thick, stiff wire and put a loop on one end, and discovered that by pushing it through a button hole, looping on to a button and pulling it back through, I could button buttons (other such tools are now sold). As a result, I could button any button. By addressing buttoning head-on, I solved it rather than avoiding it. Velcro was no solution; finding a way to button buttons was!

What I’ve learned is that life gives us obstacles no matter our circumstance, and we have the choice to use them as a deterrent or an opportunity. Maybe it’s based on my disability experience, business skill or smart-alecky tenacity, but when life presents me with obstacles, as it does all of us, I try my hardest to turn that canister of dirt into a pot of gold – obstacles into advantages, that is!

The Life and Death of Humor

To John: After writing the essay, I had to have an illustrator colleague bring my image to life - or death! -Mark — To John: After writing the essay, I had to have an illustrator colleague bring my image to life – or death! -Mark

By Mark E. Smith

Among my all-time favorite people is Callahan – John Callahan. He’s been dead now for going on 6 years, and I’m sure there’s still a hilarious punchline to that waiting to be told… maybe a cartoon of two grave diggers with shovels standing over a grave dug in the silhouette of a wheelchair?

See, Callahan was abused as a child, an alcoholic by his teens, and a high-level quadriplegic by 21 from a drunk-driving accident. There’s nothing funny about any of that – except to Callahan and his millions of readers who understood through his twisted but totally candid cartoons that humor can be among the truest healing forces. I mean, his most famous cartoon was where cowboys on horses in the desert surrounded an empty wheelchair, noting, “Don’t worry, he won’t get far on foot,” exemplifies where tragedy evolved into humor in Callahan’s life. Many were mortified by the tasteless cartoon; but for those of us who live with disability, it was hilarious.

I’ve seen it so many times, where our pain, when addressed with humor, can become joy. And, making that transition is life-changing. If you can genuinely laugh at something, you’ve survived it. You’d be hard pressed to find a successful comedian who hasn’t experienced trauma, but through that has somehow found humor.

For me, humor has always kept me from the dark sides of life. If you ask me about cigarette smoking, I’ll tell you to go for it. After all, my mother smoked throughout her pregnancy with me, and I was born just fine, right? …The whole cerebral palsy thing was just an uncanny coincidence.

I likewise grew up with alcoholic parents, and they died from it at young ages. Along the way, I spent time accompanying my drunk mom to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings as a teenager – because when you’re 16, with cerebral palsy, it’s the one place your slurred speech and uncoordinated body gestures fit in. At times, I wanted to truly participate: “I’m Mark, and I’m not an alcoholic, but I sound like one and sometimes I pee my pants – where’s my AA coin!”

No, there was nothing funny about being born with cerebral palsy or having drunks for parents – it was all tough stuff. Yet, I survived it all, and I can’t help but see humor in most of it now. Humor, in so many ways, is the power to rise above pain, to take back our joy, our spirit.

As they say, that which does not kill us – or does! – only makes for a hilarious punchline. And, as Callahan taught us all so well with his work, if you’re not at the point yet where you can laugh at your own pain, you don’t need to worry – there are plenty of us who will do it for you!

Broken Pianos

By Mark E. Smith

The story of American jazz piano great, Keith Jarrett’s, 1975 concert in Cologne, Germany, is legendary. See, Jarrett was scheduled to perform solo that night at the Opera House in front of a sold-out crowd of over 14,000 people, to be recorded live for an album.

However, when Jarrett arrived at the Opera House the afternoon of the concert – exhausted, with a bad back from touring Europe – he was horrified to find that they didn’t have his required piano. Instead, they had an old, small broken piano – not concert worthy.

The young promoter called around, but couldn’t come up with the needed piano. The best she could do was get the old piano tuned, but the upper keys were all but useless and the pedals didn’t work. Jarrett was done, insistent that he couldn’t perform without a proper, working instrument.

With 14,000 people waiting until close to midnight and recording equipment set up, the young promoter begged Jarrett to perform. With nothing but tenacity, Jarrett took a leap of faith in himself and walked onto the stage, standing behind the tiny, broken piano. The packed Opera House was silent.

Jarrett focused on only the piano’s center keys, the only ones that worked, and pounded them with ferocity that allowed the tiny piano to project, rearranging the songs in real time with each key strike. The result was over an hour concert that ended in a standing ovation – and became the best selling solo jazz album of all time, The Koln Concert, with over 3.5 million albums sold.

How often do we, in our own lives, find ourselves in Jarrett’s situation, seemingly not having what we need to succeed? How often do we only see limitations in the face of adversity? But, more importantly, how often do we have the tenacity and courage to do as Jarrett did, and not dwell on what may limit us, but strive to find that which may elevate us?

I’ve had my share of adversity in life, as have many who I’ve known. After all, adversity doesn’t discriminate. What I’ve learned is that when we succeed in adversity, we do so by using what we have, ignoring that which we don’t. We’re fearless experts at playing broken pianos.

It’s trite, cliché and undeniably true: Never let what you can’t do stop you from what you can do. There’s stunning form waiting to be played on our own broken pianos.

Origins of Kindness

By Mark E. Smith

We hear of “random” acts of kindness, but more aptly, they’re usually “intentional” acts of kindness.

I often write about coming up the hard way, and that experience, of course, has shaped who I am, feeling extremely blessed for however little or however much I have in all areas of life.

I’m very fortunate to have the means to eat out – especially since it’s something I enjoy. After all, what’s more relaxing after a day at work than having a fine dinner somewhere? And, my wife and I have our favorites, including the restaurant our acquaintance, Gary, owns. The food’s great, the staff and patrons know us, and they always fit us in, with or without reservations. We’re just comfortable there.

As a result, it’s become a tradition that we go to Gary’s place for his Christmas Eve buffet – an unbelievable seafood spread. We get dressed up, settle into our table, and have a terrific festive holiday dinner among our family and those we know.

This year, however, was an exception. Indeed, we got dressed up, had a fantastic feast, and exchanged holiday greetings with the staff and those we knew from the community. But, when we asked for the bill, there wasn’t one.

See, Dr. Freiman, who grew up with Gary – both my age – sat with his family at the table next to us. And, as he and his family left, he quietly paid our bill. Why would Dr. Freiman do that?

Well, there’s more to his and Gary’s story than most know. Dr. Freiman, an ENT specialist, and Gary grew up together. In looking at either one today, you’d never guess their upbringing. After all, one’s a doctor and the other is a very successful chef.

Yet, they grew up together in the worst of the worst conditions, living in dive motels, neglected and abused. As Gary told me, he was as shocked as anyone years ago when he was working as a chef at a wedding, only to find out the groom-doctor was Mike Freiman, the kid he tagged around with in school. “Neither of us came from a real home and we were always in trouble together,” Gary told me. “It’s a miracle we each made it to this point.”

Gary knows a bit about my story, past and present, and as kindred spirits, we know the unsaid code that Dr. Freiman clearly also knows: When you’ve survived your knocks in life and achieve some level of success, you give to others, both out of empathy in having once been where some are, and in recognition of where others have gotten, as well.

As one who’s always felt it’s better to give than to receive – being fortunate where I’ve gotten in life – it was a true honor to receive such an understanding gift this past Christmas Eve by Dr. Freiman. Whether giving or receiving, we are truly blessed in the process.

Projecting Oneself

By Mark E. Smith

My friend texts me from a restaurant on New York City’s Upper East Side. He explains that it’s full of those who are ultra-wealthy, and they’re acting awkwardly toward him, as if they’ve never seen a person using a power wheelchair. He further texts that there’s an attractive, older women next to him who seems possibly approachable.

“Say to her casually, ‘I’m just back from London, and I’m amazed at how warm the weather is here,’ and see where the conversation leads,” I text back.

Of course, my buddy has never been to London and, yes, my reply was sarcastic.

We live in a culture where people may make totally uninformed, ignorant presumptions of us – and we can feel it sometimes, can’t we, like my friend in that restaurant. They perceive us as they wish. I mean, think about all of the stereotypes people can make about a gentleman using a wheelchair in public. And, it’s so easy for those of us who use wheelchairs to absorb those. It would be understandable for my friend to want to avoid that restaurant scene and high-tail it out of there. But, there’s every reason to stay.

No matter who you are – disability or not – you have far more control over such situations than you likely know. The fact is, just as others attempt to perceive us, we can completely project who we are, totally reversing the process. My text to my friend wasn’t meant for him to literally lie, but rather to imply gaining comfort in his skin. There was no reason for him not to fit in. It wasn’t up to those in the restaurant to tell him who he was; rather, he had the power to project who he was.

Being humble is among the most admirable traits. However, feeling as though you need to apologize for who you are should never be in our emotions. I use a power wheelchair, with severe cerebral palsy, right down to muscle spasms and labored speech. At 44 – and it took me a long time to get here – I don’t feel awkward in who I am, and I certainly would never apologize for who I am. As I go through the entirety of my daily life, I am who I am, and I’m not making an issue of it, and neither is anyone else, per me. Here I am, as I am, period.

And, that’s what I’ve learned: We teach people how to treat us by both how we view ourselves and what we project. If I’m in a conversation and I spasm, I correct my posture and keep with the conversation. If I don’t make it an issue, typically neither does anyone else. It’s amazing how our reactions and projections can completely dictate how others react to us. Just be you, and you’ll be impressed at how others recognize you as just that.

As for that awkward restaurant scene, how would I handle it? …I would just be myself.

The Most Sacred Trust

By Mark E. Smith

Every week, I take a leap of faith on this blog and write essays that are often very personal and expose vulnerabilities about myself that I know can range from liberating to uncomfortable for readers. Yet, there’s a deep meaning and purpose to it all. Firstly, as a formally-trained writer, I was taught that if you’re truly going to write, you owe it to yourself and your reader to write with unflinching courage, to expose that which others may not dare, all in the name of integrity – the best writing is fearless and scary all at once. Secondly, there’s such power in universal experience, where if through sharing my own vulnerabilities I can help someone else embrace his or hers, realizing that none of us are alone in life’s challenges, that’s a tremendous privilege. I write to connect, and that demands unflinching honesty, candor and authenticity.

However, here’s what might surprise you: I don’t believe that this unyielding, wide-open form of trust should be practiced in our personal lives. The fact is, whether a child or a so-called hardened criminal, there’s a fragility within all of us – our inner-most vulnerabilities. And, they aren’t to be trusted with just anyone. We’re too valuable to risk handing over our emotions to those who may not honor, respect or deserve them.

Many of us know a lot of people, many of whom we call family and friends. For me, I can’t even count how many people I know. All are wonderful people. Yet, if you think about your own friends and family – as I do mine – how many have truly earned your trust to possess the capacity to treat your deepest vulnerabilities with the safety and security you deserve?

Chances are, not many. Unfortunately, we’ve often learned this in the most painful ways. We’ve shared our most vulnerable selves with someone, only to have that person attempt to hurt us with it later in scorn or judgement at the most opportune – make that, malicious – of times. True family and friends don’t use our vulnerabilities against us. Rather, true family and friends treat our vulnerabilities as sacred, those which are to be addressed with compassion, empathy and support.

So, how do we know with whom our deepest vulnerabilities are safe? For most of us, it’s a tiny fraction of those who we know, maybe only one or two people. And, the litmus test can take time, often years. See, true trust isn’t assumed; it’s earned, piece by piece. You share a little, see how that’s handled by someone over time, and if it’s honored, you share a little more, until ultimate trust is earned. Along the way, let us not be guarded, but aware, as if we witness the slightest violation of trust, it’s a sign to put on the emotional brakes and realize that person may be a loved family member or great friend, but not one who we can trust in our most sacred places – again, that’s reserved for those who’ve earned it.

By far the toughest practices of setting boundaries of who’s earned the privilege of being trusted with our deepest vulnerabilities is in romantic relationships because the emotions are so intense and the stakes are so high. In our desire to love and be loved, it’s far too easy to dismiss violations of our vulnerabilities. He only said it out of anger during our argument…. No, there’s never a reason or excuse to use someone’s vulnerabilities against him or her. That’s not love, its betrayal – and that never makes for a relationship you deserve. I married my wife for a lot of wonderful reasons, but the big one was our mutually-earned trust. Sure, we get mad and frustrated with each other, but we know that each other’s vulnerabilities are the sacred boundary line that we respect above all else. I’m also blessed that this ultimate sacred trust holds true with both my oldest daughter and my lifelong best friend.

When it comes to our vulnerabilities, let us seek comfort in others – it’s healing for the soul. However, let us likewise know that our vulnerabilities shouldn’t be entrusted to anyone except those worthy of respecting and cherishing such a gift. See, when it comes to ultimate trust, it’s quality, not quantity, that serves our heart.

When All Heals Stronger

By Mark E. Smith

In 1987, British humanitarian and envoy, Terry Waite, went to Lebanon to secure the release of four hostages. He, himself, was then taken hostage, enduring 1,763 days in solitary confinement – chained, beaten and subjected to mock execution.

Once released, Waite reflected on his experience years later, writing, “Suffering is universal: you attempt to subvert it so that it does not have a destructive, negative effect. You turn it around so that it becomes a creative, positive force.”

Waite’s interpretation of the impact of trauma is one that psychologists have been studying for some 30 years. It’s long been known that trauma – from early childhood experiences to those occurring later in life – can profoundly derail lives in so many destructive ways. It’s extremely hard to psychologically and emotionally recover when life has thrown you devastating blows. I know – I’ve had them. Yet, there’s a fascinating, researched side to trauma that many live, but few discuss: Trauma can serve as a mechanism for positive, personal growth.

Psychologists now formally call this process of turning trauma into triumph Post Traumatic Growth (PTG), which is the opposite of widely-known Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). As I put it in context within my own life, I’m not better in spite of adversity; rather, I’m better because of adversity. No, I haven’t welcomed adversity into my life – after all, I didn’t choose my family’s dysfunction as a child or my cerebral palsy – but there’s no question it’s all shaped me into a person I’m proud of and fostered a strength toward successes I likely wouldn’t have otherwise. PTG is when you meet individuals whose lives seem to defy logic, those who’ve experienced trauma and adversity, only to go on to successful, healthy, happy lives.

Interestingly, researchers have found that approximately one-third of those who have experienced trauma or adversity have PTG as a catalyst in their lives. I look at the impact of PTG like exercising weights: adversity conditions us to lift among the heaviest of weights, so the rest of life (read that, far less weight) is easier to cope with and allows us perspectives others may not have. So, what are those perspectives?

Researchers looked at the common traits of PTG – that is, those not sunk by trauma and adversity, but elevated by it – and the common threads are striking: A greater appreciation and empathy toward others; an increased acceptance and comfort within oneself; and, an increased innate ability to live in the present and prioritize what’s truly important, having an unyielding sense of gratitude.

If you consider the emblematic positive effects of PTG, they seemingly go against logic, don’t they? After all, trauma and adversity do lead – at least in two-thirds of the population – to aspects of fear, distrust, resentment, self-defeat and bitterness, to name a few emotions. And, it all makes sense, as such reactions to trauma as PTSD are rightfully more common than not, tapping into totally valid, understandable emotional and mental states. It’s so difficult not to come out unscathed. Therefore, how is it that those with PTG escape the more-typical trauma-based path and actually become healthier, happier, more successful individuals? How has Terry Waite experienced among the worst that mankind can inflict, but has gone on to be a leading humanitarian on a global scale?

No one knows. However, what’s inspiring about research in Post Traumatic Growth is that it clearly shows the capacity of the human spirit to turn tragedy into triumph, where it may not be easily done, but it is possible. We don’t have to be defined by what’s happened to us. As Waite puts it, “Break my body, bend my mind, but my soul is not yours to possess….”

The True Meaning of Weakness

By Mark E. Smith

I love working out because it’s such a humbling experience. See, people often trick themselves into believing that working out is about strength; however, it’s literally an exercise in embracing weakness. After all, if you’re putting your all into your workout routine, you do so till failure, finding your ultimate weakness every time. If you’re doing it right, you never leave a workout accomplished but defeated.

Yet, what’s fascinating about working out is that by consistently acknowledging your weakness, it ultimately makes you stronger. This goes for all of life, where our greatest strengths originate from our truest weaknesses. If we wish to live to our best, we can’t focus only on our strengths, but we have to be wise enough to embrace and pursue our weaknesses.

I come from a lineage of addiction, and I’ve never thought myself stronger than it. I was born into it, science says it’s in my DNA as a genetic component, and was further solidified by the environment I was raised in. By all accounts, I statistically should be – and could be, as it’s never too late – an addict. It would be easy for me to say that I’m too level-headed or strong-spirited to be an addict. But, the fact is, it’s knowing my weaknesses toward addiction that have kept me off of that path. I’ve known my risk factors, and knowing my predisposed weaknesses within me keep me in check. I’m not inherently stronger than addiction, just wisely aware of my weaknesses. If you know you can’t out-wrestle a bear, stay away from bears!

Having a disability, my physical weaknesses are always front and center – at least as society recognizes them. After all, we live in a culture of hyper portrayals of masculinity and femininity. Men should be strong and independent, and women should be sexy and elegant. But, physical disability can make living up to those standards not just impossible, but excruciating. As a result, it’s so easy to push disability weaknesses – read that, vulnerabilities – down in denial or shame, especially when it comes to how the so-called weaknesses and our romantic partners interrelate. However, if you’re willing to expose and embrace your seeming weaknesses, it will take your life and relationships to a far deeper, rewarding level.

I’ve always had a whatever-it-takes attitude, and it’s served me well – that is, except when I’ve used it to mask disability-related weaknesses. I’ve spent decades struggling to use the toilet, where poor balance and poor coordination made the transfers a constant nightmare. I could never use the bathroom in the morning because I lacked the balance and coordination, and then in the evenings, falls from transfers weren’t uncommon. In my mind, my thought process was, no matter how hard it all was didn’t matter – I’d rather die trying than accept help. In my skewed, macho mind, what was less manly than having my wife help me transfer onto the toilet?

However, it was tough for my wife to see and hear me struggle. And, one eve, she just came up, tucked her arms under mine, and together we slid me onto the toilet, then off. It took a lot for me to accept that help, but it immediately made my life one thousand times easier. Yes, I had to admit a weakness to myself, that independently transferring onto the toilet was a huge problem. However, as a result, I summoned far more inner-strength and confidence by being secure enough in who I am to embrace such help from my wife – and it’s enhanced my life and our marriage.

From what I’ve learned in my own life, I don’t know why “weaknesses” in our culture are seen in such a poor light. After all, when weaknesses are embraced and addressed, they can be the ultimate form of strength.